An imaginary place in a reactionary time

Hey, I thought you weren't doing Pilsen news no 'mo?

There was some guy at the Skylark who looked just like you and now he is posting stuff using your name and alleged pix.

Since your stunt double used the P word, anybody see the Reader story on the other P word guy? Is it true the neighborhood is going to get another name change to reflect Boy P's acquisition of the Chicago Yacht Club after the jury awards it to him?

Until that time, rejoice that the next Pilsen art event will be, as the Germans might say, Pod-frei.

We're pleased you noticed our work. Did you appreciate the manner in which our PR department manipulated the reporter in such a manner that the hardscrabble roots of P-II were conflated with those of the spoiled, coddled P-III? Why, you'd almost get the impression that P-III did something to deserve his good fortune (that is, other than carefully selecting the family into which he would be born.)

Perhaps you also noticed our placement of the front-page story in the Real Estate Section of Friday's Sun Times? My goodness, that reporter virtually reprinted our press release verbatim.

We are determined to manage this particular incidence of what we refer to as "three sticks disease." Every family business follows a fairly rigid generational pattern -- Thunder, Wonder, Blunder. Thunder (the First) is a force of nature who makes something out of nothing. Wonder (Junior,) spends his childhood sweeping floors, and his adult life turning Thunder's "something" into an empire.

The problem comes with the third generation (hence, "three sticks disease," after the tell-tale custom of placing "III" after the surname of Blunder.) And the problem is, specifically, that generation. Blunder attends elite schools, and spends his time engaging in the idle pursuits of the elite (yachting, for instance.) Blunder nevertheless believes himself a genius. This self-delusion is typically accomplished by means of subscription to half-baked social philosophies which trumpet the alleged innate brilliance of those with power. It matters not if it's Calvinism, Randianism, or any other third-rate ideology -- the idea is to convince yourself that you did something to merit your power.

This combination of inherited power and self-delusion of merit always comes to grief, if left to its own devices. Fortunately, we have come to the rescue. There is no hope for Blunder, although we certainly give him that impression. Our goal is to preserve Junior's empire so it can be sold off to someone with the capability to actually manage it, and make it thrive and prosper.

Whether Blunder ends up bankrupt, or merely reduced in circumstance, depends largely upon his willingness to recognize his own limitations. In this instance, we are not hopeful.

But we will preserve the empire, albeit for another dynasty.

Any thoughts on how to wean the free-ranging artists from the yolk of the Evil Ones "Chicagoartsdistrict" website as an official part of the P-frei artwalk?

While the good news is the next artwalks will be for all of the people in Pilsen, the website is still controlled by the Evil Ones.

It doesn't seem like much of a problem to set up a new PilsenArt.com, with a very hip English/Spanish translation and maybe some ads from 18th Street biznesses.

Anybody into it?

Also, anybody know if the Evil Ones bothered to lay legal claim to the name Pilsen Arts District?

I'm tired of all you Pod people monopolizing the chatter on this 'hood. You're so self-absorbed that you don't even notice the other people and communities around you. If it weren't for the fact that I'm a white artist too, I'd accuse you of being bigoted for your lack of appreciation of the Latino culture here.

I want nothing to do with you.

Ever since I moved here from Schaumburg after graduating from SAIC, I've wanted to get that off my chest.

Don't you realize that Jazz ended in 1945? I mean, that Chinese music they called Be-Bop isn't Jazz, and everything that came after it is something else, but it isn't Jazz.

Why, just last night, I was listening to Pres's cut of "Mood Indigo." It was recorded live at Mr. Kelly's here in 1944. I was at the show, and I spoke to the third trombone player, Hilton Jefferson. Jeff' had played first bone with Fletch' in 32, and first 'bone in that band was Russel Procope. Hawk filled out the bill on alto. They were playing at the Blue Note, when Hawk had a terrible attack of gas. Procope, consummate professional that he was, covered every blast with an off-blow on the 'bone. Jeff' told me that they had worked it out during intermission -- whenever Hawk felt the need to blow something other than the alto, he winked to Procope, and they agreed the blast would hit on the third beat following the signal. Leonard Feather was at that show, and his review for the evening noted the "brilliant, erratic assymetry" of the off-notes on the second 'bone.

Leonard's review paid particular attention to John kirby, the string bass man, who had lost a thumb to. . . . .

Would you shut up with your bullshit, already, Dick?

Everyone with ears knows that Jazz died with Bird.

Everything after that was rock n' roll.

no its more hip hop

You assholes don't know shit. Jazz is alive and well and is Ornette Coleman, and Punk. The rest of that shit is zappaloonietunesmusic, or bad Louise Armstrong wannabes blowing when they should be sucking. Since Coltrane died, it's been Ornette. And I should know, I'm a dead rock music critic.

Well, hey, Schaumburg SoPo guy, it's nice you got something off your chest after being so observant to notice the Latino culture.

Now read the fucking post you seem to be upset about and notice that the issue is about making the Pilsen art scene more inclusive of the Latino culture with a bi-lingual website that is not controlled by the P-people.

Wanna play the game "quien es mas simpatico" with the locals, guerro boy?

How far south of P-land are we talking about? Bridgeport, maybe? Another white guy with a hostile attitude is just what they need. How unique.

Didn't they teach you to read in Schaumburg? You sure as hell didn't get a chance to do any of it at the Art Institute.

Hi!

What's all this noise about SoPo and PoHo? Do you folks have 24hr mass transit like us? Do you have a neighborhood arts council like us? Do you have schools that actually teach reading and writing like us? An integrated community for over 30 years? Community, like we all know each other, and we even TALK! Minimal crime rate? Cool, cheap spaces? Lots of retro mom and pop stores?

No?

So are you just hipster posers trapped in your studio apartments, afraid to talk to your neighbors? Or are you trend suckers slurping down the next new thing? Are any of you really artists? Where do you show? OOOOOO! I bet your all PAINTERS, right? Have you finished anything lately? EVER?

I thought so! We're up here, and we're doing things! You Pilsen whiners are so last week it hurts. It's not about where you live, it's not about CONTROL or WHINING, it's about WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE!

i'm sorry.

I want to live by an expressway and work in middle management, where I long and harde bcessive culmpulsive about imitaion chese and how it fits in the market place.

I will use words like "so last week" and "retromom and pop store" I will also believe that city dweller live in a constant world of gun fights rapes and robberies.

It does not matter what you say, you just have to talk.

Sure, Buffy. It's easy for you to knock Wicker Park and Bucktown. You never had to get a blowjob from a drag queen at 4 am and not be able to just walk around the block. Walk, that is, because you can't find a parking place.

Eighteenth street is too loaded with mom and pop stores, cafes and museums owned and operated by the locals. They just don't get the upscale pricing scheme.

You are missing out on your chance to meet guys with BMWs who want to move to the suburbs as soon as they get you barefoot and pregnant.

Give it up and move north so you won't have to be so close to downtown and the lakefront, you little fool!

Paying the extra rent money instead of getting that authentic Mexican food will help you lose weight.